Archive for the ‘Historical Record’ Category
I am writing to inform you of the reason why I was unable to make it to your crime fighting bacchanalia last week. I heard from a trusted source that it was a smashing success, and that the unveiling of the modified super-vacuum brought excitement to the entire room, so I write this letter with a regretful and heavy heart.
Mary Todd, Poe, Ben Franklin, and myself were waylaid on the road to Tomorrow Land by cupcake brawlers and that rogue villain, Tamale Bandito. It seemed they had been expecting us. Tamale Bandito fired a tamale missile at our carriage and said he would have my stuffing for passing the robot emancipation proclamation. The cupcake brawlers surrounded us and one nearly succeeded in dragging Mary Todd out of the carriage. Thankfully, Ben Franklin had his lightning gun handy and melted the frosting right off of that cupcake brawler’s head. Poe made quick work of the rest of the cupcake brawlers with his signature poe-try slam. He did quite well for a man in his condition; Poe had been rather morose lately because he was kicked off of the Best Forgotten Island after a vigorous and rather irritating reading of his new poem, The Bells. Ben Franklin may enjoy his French women a little too much for my tastes, and Poe his alcohol, but the men are always ready to perform a service for their country.
As for myself, I got out my trusty axes and jumped out of the carriage to confront Tamale Bandito head-on. He stood in front of the carriage with a smirk on his face, firing his missiles straight at me. I dodged the projectiles and threw an axe straight at the bandit’s head, but the devil narrowly escaped to live another day. We had to go back home, what with Mary Todd having a nervous fit after the incident and quite unable to function in good company. Ben Franklin and Poe vowed to capture Tamale Bandito after this brazen display. It’s been made clear the Kandy Kingdom is escalating their tactics out of desperation, and we will soon be forced to attack them head on. We shall discuss more of what needs to be done in next week’s meeting. Rest assured that the Kandy Kingdom’s tyrannical acts of violence will not be tolerated.
Stay in good faith.