Archive for the ‘Rants’ Category

Why Yes, I Love Being a Tomorrow Bot

August 3rd, 2010    Posted in Rants

Hi, I’m Clark Cable. You may remember me from such films as Run Silent, Run in Sleep Mode and the more famous Gone With the Windows. Or maybe not, since that was the future a long time ago and a lot has happened since then, such as yours truly getting super-modified to save the world. Dr. Atomica was insane to just grab the nearest set of robots, retrofit them with weapons and then send them into the past to save the future. I’m an ACTOR BOT for cog’s sake. I was working on the movie BoomKlang with Dispenser Tracy at the time and the worst thing I had to worry about was what industrial strength solvent to use to polish my chromatic smile.

I was never designed for this sort of hero tomfoolery and neither were the rest of the Tomorrow Bots: A paperboy, vending machine, telephone operator and medieval tour guide to name a few! Seriously??? Rescue this, rescue that, fight crime, defeat the Slimeacles*, lock up the bad guys. We have to save the world, only to save it again the next day. It all gets rather dull, and I’d say if it takes this much work to keep the world from being destroyed, then maybe the gosh darn** thing just wasn’t meant to be. This is a part that even the great Clark Cable finds difficult to play.

* Horrible things born from the primordial ooze billions of year ago in Earth’s past. Don’t ask me how they learned time travel!

** My apologies. My curse inhibitor translates ineffectual replacements. The fudging thing practically ruined Gone With The Windows.


Kandy Stoopid!!!

July 22nd, 2010    Posted in Rants

Congo Jimmy HATE KANDY!!! He love kandy too. So con-fuz-n. Sweets taste gud. Sweets grump Jimmy, like buncha itch bugs in pants. Why they no stand still to be eated??? Stoopid kandy.

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Gosh Darn Dirty Ape

July 1st, 2010    Posted in Rants

Hi!  My name is Timmy Cherry Topping and I live in the sweet land of the Kandy Kingdom, where Kandy is Kandy and lizards and apes run scared.  I should know, as I have caused a stink’n lizard or two and at least one gosh darn dirty ape to turn tail after I pounded some sense into them.  Some say the only reason us cupcakes are the front line of fight’n is because there are so many of us, that we are cheap and tasty.  But I say no sir-ee that’s just not right.  We cupcakes are scrappers!  Why just the other day I knocked the pudding out of Congo Jimmy his self when he dared set foot on our land.  There is not-a-thing worse than giant ape feet in your sugar coating!  Yeah, some say I simply fell off the cone tower and got frosting in his eye while Z-Nut, the Tamale Bandit and Wax Lips chased him off with hard-candy bullets.  Those that say so are two-topping liars!  Cross my sprinkles and hope to stale I was the one that gave that big ape pause and if it had not been for my quick thinking we would all just be monkey poop!